Meeting J

I don't understand why I've been avoiding meeting J so much. Of course, I usually don't feel like meeting anyone but I'm not averse-averse to it so much. I can get myself to hang with people and be in an agreeable mood as well. But it's just with J that... I just don't know. 

I do feel bad about it, and guilty. I know she doesn't have many people to hang with. And she always meets me with enthusiasm. I guess I'm just tired. Of taking her around and more so of conversations. Earlier I could take a deep breath and do it all the same. But now, anything I have to force myself to do breaks me. 

I'm also afraid that I will snap at her. I've somehow come to correlate meeting her with doing a chore. It is a bit exhausting being around her. 

Come Sunday, hope I get around to it okay.