Stop talking

Ugh. It was so easy to keep things to myself earlier. All these years, no one really knew what I was thinking or going through or feeling. But now I have laid it all open. I think I regret it. It was such an impulsive thing to do. And now that I have started, I cannot stop. I'm talking, talking, talking all the time. With so many people. Too many people know me now. And I can't tell why I dislike that so much. I am fond of all of them. They are all so good to me and smart, awesome people. Why do I still feel guilty about opening up? It doesn't make sense. But nothing does these days. 

I feel like such an attention-whore. Every day I think I will only pour my heart out either here or on the WhatsApp self-chat but I end up chatting with so many friends. 

I also have this new thing creeping up. I'm a chill, fun person when I'm just getting to know someone. And it feels natural; like, I don't pretend to be as such. But once they come closer, out comes my real sad fucking self. I let my guard down. I feel I'm becoming thoughtless. My issues are no one's burden to bear. Why should I be saddling them with it? Making them worry about me and my well-being. It's an added task, being there for me, making sure I am okay when everyone has their own demons to deal with. 

I'm going to try harder till I reach the same point again. To deal with my crap on my own. For that, I really need to stop talking so much first!