Where is my willpower? I used to pride myself for my determination at one point. I used to be so sure of myself - even in the mistakes I'd make. But now everything seems like such a big deal. My cool and unaffected self is long gone. Everything feels like it's within an inch of my face. I snap, I cry, I give up.
Why?
There are a few things that deserve to or need to remain untouched. Friendship from younger days is one of them. I have friendship that is unaffected by all the ugliness. My college friends. Here's to many more years together! Cheers!!
Strange post to restart blogging with. But, times are strange. People are stranger. Anyway, got to flush out thoughts, too.
Went to a funeral today. I realise that of late it's the same thing that keeps playing on my mind. The smell. It harrows me to the point that I just want to run away. It's the smell of the sheet covering the body mixed with incense sticks.
The presence of that smell hasn't left me. Ever since Papa passed away. Partly because a few days after his funeral, I woke up from sleep gasping. I had been dreaming of his funeral pyre; and the smoke had entered my nostrils. It had felt much too real. As I woke up I kept repeating, 'The wood is still burning'. But I could only whisper that and my sisters sleeping next to me didn't even stir.
Now at any funeral I can look at the deceased person's body, even touch it, but it's that smell!
